Life, Love, and Lasers.

So, today I will go have my fifth laser treatment on my face.  Another round of pain, irritation, and fear of public situations.   Why do i continue to subject myself to this bullshit?  Is it because we’re all obsessed with our looks?  We’re all concerned with out the outside views us?  Most people think that’s why I do it.  Why do i do it?????

 I’m sick of waking up in the morning, and putting on makeup to avoid questions from students and friends, even adults, about the redness and bumps on my face.  I’m sick of the comments and degrating jokes.  THose that don’t have severe acne, can say they understand, but really they have no idea the emotional effects cysts cause.  The selfesteem damage is critical, and one might care to notice… I lack self confidence, I’m insecure and it’s effecting my relationships (yet another reason).  And finally… cysts hurt like hell and stay around for weeks upon weeks, leaving horrible scars (and i’m terribly scarred from it all- which is the worst of it all).  I have to watch my face, make sure i don’t knick it, bump it, touch it, or it all gets worse.  I’m sick of having my face on the back of my mind every second of the day.  I’d like to walk in a room, and people look at me and think and say nothing.  I don’t care if they think I’m cute or ugly… I just want the reasons to crtisize to fade away.  I don’t want a reason to be stared at.  5 years and counting…. I’m sick of being the freak with acne.  So I’m searching for MY cure.  So I can start living a life with less anxiety and stress.  So i can go out with my friends carelessly, so i can feel beautiful when he looks at me, when we’re intimate (instead of thinking- he’s turned off… look at the ceiling so he cant see your face), so i can go swimming and not care bout makeup washing off (I didn’t swim once over summer), go to the club and not worry about sweating it off (i haven’t gone to tiger heat club in a year).  It’s taking from my life… so Im going to take it out.  Simple enough. 

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