Life Is.
LIFE IS THEORY
nobody can prove who the heart beats for
nobody can prove those stars our UNOPENED eyes facinate themselves upon.
we sit, connecting those 5-pointed circular dots
making bears…
dippers…
DECISIONS
“those lovers kissed under that sky”
the sky we dream under
dream of kissing under
KISS under as the moon stares down at adults…
just as kids stare up at it.
we’re stuck in the headlights of the sky…
frozen…
we’re awestruck
and IMPACT we couldn’t fathom.
we just watched, as it came closer.
the prayers, to a GOD that is usually debated, commenced.
because the darkness brings death…
life… of life… of thought
of a blanket of fridged, cold, CHILLING air.
the weak hide in the darkness…
darkness of the sky…
darkness of defeat
we watch as the sky falls down on us
and make our wishes, which will never come true.
adventually each piece of that puzzle
will fly down into “our” atmosphere, “our” world
out of the unseen heavens.
the clouds cover up those stars, that moon.
and our thoughts… dreams… hopes… are hazed…
if only temporarily…
because confusion is
TEMPORARY … LIFE IS TEMPORARY
… pain is temporary … love is temporary … tears are temporary … anger is temporary … happiness is temporary … you are temporary … I am… …temporary.
“Shouldn’t I be sleeping?”
Her fingernails continued to tap against the desk near her bed. Her eyes were fixed out the old window. The lights of the city flickered and the shadows of the palm trees danced along the bottom. She could see the black railing of fence guarding her house. And the old desert lot that nobody would buy and build on. She could even make out the white fence surround the vineyard. But she wasn’t looking for those things.
“Man the dust in bad in here”.
She hadn’t cleaned in days. Weeks even. And the dust on the windowsill was proof. The fingerprints on the window showed how much she didn’t care about a clear view. Her bed was torn up and it’s comfort was obvious. With pillows and blankets scattered about. The alarm clock was the only downside of putting her head down on one of those feather pillows. She knew when her eyes shut, it would buzz her back to reality. Dreamers can’t dream these days.
The ceiling fan was doing little to nothing to cool the warm room down. But it had been on for weeks and she didn’t care to shut it off. After all, she knew it wasn’t her electricity bill. She also wanted to avoid seeing the dust along the sides of each blade.
Her sketchbook was to her left, and an old drawing to the right… she had no intentions on finishing any drawings, she lost her inspiration. The book was open, and turned to the page of two hands holding. Crippling was this image. Hands holding… always makes you think love. Everything depressed her in that room. If it wasn’t the peacock toy on the desk, it was the drawing, and if it wasn’t the drawing, it was the baby shoe on her headboard. It was evident, she was in love.
But he left. He went to college that day. He was gone. The day she had dreaded for over a year, came. And her heart… ached.
The worst part about it was they fought the night before he left. She drove home in tears and he didn’t call the next day. She caved and called him. No reply. And he must have hit the call button in his pocket, because he called her. her eyes lit up when she saw his named and face on the caller id of her phone. She answered, excited, only to hear the background. Girls and boys laughing and having a good time. She yelled his name, more than one, to hear nothing but laughter. And she cried as she hung up the phone. She called back and he answered, she explained what happened, few words were exchanged, he said he’s call her later. She complied and hung up the phone, sat down at her desk, and looking out that old window.
Take the time to realize, that tomorrow there is yesterday, and yesterday there was a tomorrow.
A single tear rolled off her cheek. This was her end. Staring at that old window, wishing she could take it all back, start fresh, start new. There was no way to turn back time, that was her reality and she had to face it. She knew that. She just didn’t want to know it. We never get what we want in the end anyways.
Her life started senior year. Senior year was her high school summed up and perfected with the worst mistakes and the best moments ever. And after it ended, the world came crashing down around her.
For My Brother…
Ian lived a life we were all incapable of understanding. He was a thrill seeking, fearless, optimistic, fun loving and adventure bound man. He was too big for this world and all of its rules. He could never confine himself in its strict boundaries. He never let anything slow him down. He lived on the edge of sanity because he understood forever was non-existent. He drank life up, savoring every sip of it, no matter good or bad. My brother was everything, my best friend, my teacher, my protector, my sibling, my strength, my guidance, my biggest annoyance, my partner in crime, my cure to boredom, my comedian, he even tried to be a parent. My brother and I had crazy adventures, most of which, were our secrets, and will forever remain just that. We got each other out of trouble a lot, and got each other into trouble just as much, if not more. We went through a lot the past decade, and now, I will go through the rest of my life, with an angel watching over me. My brother loved his life, of that I have no doubt in my mind. And it’s over, and it’s okay- his heart was full- so I know he was saved.
A day won’t pass without a thought of him. I will always wait to hear a knock on my window at 3 am, his stereo playing Linkin Park, him standing in the driveway with a microphone in his hand and his voice projecting through the garage speakers, to come around the corner and have him jump out at me, the reflection of him dancing to his own beat, literally, in my closet mirrors, and his number pop up on caller ID, and a floor full of Legos. I will always wait to hear “hey, Bea Bea?” as my bedroom door fly open.
Until Then, I will try live by the concepts he tried to teach us all:
Don’t fear.
Don’t hesitate.
Don’t let anyone break you.
Live by your own rules.
Pray to the lord.
Stay faithful to your family.
Love with all your heart.
Regret little.
Accept consequences.
Live fast, hard, and to the fullest.
Take in everything you can.
And most importantly, straight from his lips,
LOVE YOUR LIFE.
And It Begins Right Here.
Blogger… a blogger? Is that what I’m about to become? Just another kid, computer obsessed, and convinced the world cares about what I have to say? I guess so. We all need a way to express ourselves, and personally, I HATE MYSPACE. So here I am world. HERE I AM.
I’m 19 and I’m facing a fierce world of assholes and idiots. But my acne is clearing up, so at least I can face them with confidence. I think somewhere on this road called life I’ll catch onto the fact that it never really mattered how much acne I had, because I’m still the same person once the bumps leave my skin. I wish other people would’ve understood that instead of staring at my face like I had shit all over it. But whatever, I guess that’s just something we all have to face from time to time. Hopefully though, my time is done.
